Hey everyone,
It has been QUITE some time since I last posted! I hope you’re all doing well, especially in this time of uncertainty. Remember that we’re all in this together – we are a community and a fast-growing support system.
Offering a bit of respite from COVID-19, I’d like to share my reflections since my last post.
Back in 2013, I began writing Intrigued with the Lean with the intent of helping others lead healthier lives. Just as relevant now as it was then, finding information you can trust isn’t always the easiest to come by, so I wanted to provide a reliable source for your health and fitness needs. Not only that, but I wanted it to be fun. I wrote about my findings from various scientific studies, healthy recipes I’d tried out, and exercises I’d partaken in and found beneficial. I strayed from mentioning my daily workouts and day-to-day diet, deeming them too strict to recommend to my readers. As I came to learn, they were too strict for myself as well.
In 2014, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. At the time I hadn’t believed I had an eating disorder, though I wasn’t shocked when it was forced to my attention. Taylor Swift couldn’t have said it better in her documentary, Miss Americana: you don’t realize you’re doing something wrong when it’s gradual. At the height of it all, I’d been eating on a schedule; only consuming carb-heavy foods in the morning; using measuring cups to prepare my meals; and painstakingly assessing nutrition labels for low-calorie, sodium and sugar counts.
Despite my constant research of all things health, I failed to assess whether I was consuming enough calories given my intense exercise regimen. My mindset was this: the stricter I was, the better results I would achieve. My eating and exercise habits weren’t for the everyday person, I determined. They involved too much self-discipline and work, and that wasn’t the focus of my blog. So why share them?
My perspective in relation to wellness has shifted tremendously since hitting the road to recovery and thereafter. I have come to appreciate the holistic approach. Looking back on the blog, I had promoted balance, but had little to no balance in my own life at the time. Mental health was not spoken of, and while I promoted the nutritional benefits of various wholesome foods, there was an emphasis on calories, fat, sodium, and sugar. Without realizing it at the time, it had been a diet blog. I had directly correlated being healthy with being lean – it’s right there in my bio. While I don’t feel I quite realized the statement I was making, it certainly underpinned where my priorities lay at the time.
Today my focus is on being mindful of what I consume and how I exercise – how the foods I eat and the workouts I do make me feel, and I encourage others to determine the same for themselves. Being skinny and toned had been my focus, but beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. The mental is just as important as the physical and listening to our bodies is key. Overcoming my eating disorder didn’t happen overnight – it took time and patience. Shifting your mentality takes a lot of work, but the key is to be gentle with yourself and realize that the process can’t be rushed. It all starts with one small step in the right direction. For me, that was preparing a meal without my trusty measuring cups. I can’t begin to describe how empowered I felt. That simple action gave me back the control, showing that I could break from my unhealthy habits. One small step in the right direction – that’s all it takes.
In the midst of all this craziness, I hope you’re using this time to slow down and take care of yourselves. Stay well my friends!
